Willow's Inbox
by Moop Ytteld
Summary: Set Mid-Angel Season 5. Emails sent to Willow about sibling problems, the Shanshu prophecy, and random spam. Prelude to a much larger Post-NFA fic. R and R, please.
1. Chapter 1

Plot: Post-NFA, prelude to a NFA fic I'm currently working on. Emails in Willow's inbox.

Author's note: FF .net hates me. I swear it does. When I wrote this story, I didn't realize didn't allow emails in the stories, and that pretty much screws this to heck. I'm frustrated and angry. And I am finally going to use my Livejournal account for something. You can view my story in proper form here: livejournal. com/users/moopytteld/489 .html

Take out the space between the . and the html and the space between . and com and it should work.

Or you can continue to read the crappy fake email things. It would bother me, were I reading it, so I recommend jumping over to my journal, but your choice. Feedback is craved.

* * *

Hello Willow, you have **7** unread messages.

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a) magickgirl. net)  
From: Buffy (supergirl837(a)yahoo .com)  
Subject: Dawn 

Willow. She's gone completely loony. Either she's going on about wanting to go back to America or she's going on about her new boyfriend. As if he isn't just after sex. I've _seen_ the way he stares at her chest. She just doesn't understand guys yet. I told her so and she just looked at me strangely and said that she'd be back by 1:00 AM. _1 in the morning_! I'm not even kidding. How old does she think she is? If I hadn't been a vampire slayer who _had _to sneak out at least once a week, Mom would have never allowed it, could you imagine what she would say to Dawn?

And if she's not off with her boyfriend, she's being all geeky with Andrew. Apparently it is because she'd rather watch Stargate SG-1 on DVD in English than Friends in Italian. God I hope she doesn't become like Andrew. Can't Xander take him on his road-trip or something? Andrew and I are unmix-y things. Giles should of known that when he asked him to live with us. I so think that he was stalking me one night a couple of weeks ago. It was wiggy in a big way. When he got back from his "double-as-in-two-girls-at-once-date" he was all curious about my date with the Immortal (who Dawn has decided that it would be cute to call the Immortal Bore—I could kill her.) and asking if I'd seen anyone I knew. It was creepy.

Anyway, could you please email (or talk to) Dawn about whatshisface?

Buffy

Possessive? Me? Nah, I was just sick the day they discussed sharing in Kindergarten

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a) magickgirl. net)  
From: Dawnie (dawn(a) magickgirl. net)  
Subject: Buffy 

Umm... First of all, hi, and thank you for the email! I'm glad you didn't make it dawn(a) magickgirl. net even though when it emails you, I'm sure it shows that it's from "Dawnie."

How are things between you and Kennedy? Have you broken up yet? If you haven't then well, I guess I'm happy that you two are still a functioning couple. If you have, well then I'm so sorry that you have, but she wasn't good enough for you anyways. Are you sick of all the poisonous animals in South America and ready to go to the LAWC, so I have someone who can "watch" me properly? You are the only Buffy would let me live with. Well, maybe Giles, but he's already got the thousands-of-slayers-that-he-has-to-train-thing going on. Moving on...

Buffy is like physco girl. I'm her little baby Dawn that isn't allowed to do ANYTHING. I thought the other day she'd finally got off her little tirade, but I was WAY wrong. I was going out with my new boyfriend and she didn't say I had to be back at like 11. I asked to stay out until about 3-ish and she said okay. Freaky, much? I, of course, thought hell had froze over or she'd just gotten back from a VERY good date from the IB (Immortal Bore—I've never met a more uninteresting person in my life, so I've concluded Buffy must be with him for the sex) and was still dazed. Whatever it was, I just decided to take advantage of it. So we were out at a club, dancing, having fun (no drinking, I swear—been there, done that and puked all over the most gorgeous guy I've ever met, and not looking to revisit) when I glanced over at the bar, who should I see, but Andrew. And, you know, Andrew's not really the clubbing type. So I went over to him, and he totally slipped into major geek-cover-up-mode. It turns out Buffy sent him out to spy on us, because she was convinced that we were having sex. Long story short, I'm more pissed at Buffy thinking she can run my life than Andrew, her helpless pawn. Besides, if I got mad at Andrew I would lose my way to watch American television (even if it is Stargate SG-1). Have you ever seen Friends in Italian? That is so not Courtney Cox's voice. I don't see why Buffy loves watching it so much.

Will you please, please tell her to tone down the over-protective parent? It is the most annoying thing ever.

XOX Dawn XOX

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor's cute, screw the fruit

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a) magickgirl. net)  
From: Liz (liz(a)theriocoven. org)  
Subject: Next meeting 

Willow,

I'm just emailing you to remind you our next meeting is this Thursday. We will be trying out some new mediation techniques that Marie has found.

Kennedy, as always, is welcome to come, as long as she doesn't snort in the middle of one of our spells. None of us are upset about it; we understand that she had acid reflux and hope she is feeling much better.

Liz

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a) magickgirl. net)  
From: Andrew (trekkie9834(a)savestartrektng .org)  
Subject: Buffy and Dawn 

Willow, they've dragged me into the middle of one of their sister arguments. It's like being in the middle of two Jedi with light-sabers going at it. I'm going to get sliced in half! Please stop them. And could you recommend to Mr. Giles that I go back on service for the council, before Buffy and Dawn get all slice-y?

Andrew

Ending a sentence in a preposition is something up with which I will not put! - Yoda's High School English teacher.  
Princess Leia: ()

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a) magickgirl. net)  
From: cutiepie2923(a)freemail .com  
Subject: Hello! 

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LEARN MORE HERE: link removed due to virus threat

DISCLAIMER: Ibonze© is in no way responsible for what ever harm comes to your reproductive organs due to use of this product.

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a) magickgirl. net)  
From: Vi (vi(a)lawc .org)  
Subject: Mr. Giles's note 

Hello, Willow! It's Vi. Say hi to Kennedy for me, will you? Mr. Giles asked me to type up this note for you, because he couldn't bear to "try and work one of those newfangled devices." He also said that the computer is out to get him, because last time he tried to use one, it restarted on him. So until we get a secretary, I'm in charge of sending emails. I even got an official email, from the Los Angeles Watcher's Council website, which Kat made for him. He wouldn't let me get a cool email though. He wanted it to be all official-like. Whatever. Anyways, here's the note:

"Hello, Willow, I would have phoned, but your cell phone is unreachable. I'm having Vi type this and send this through 'email,' and as much as I hate computers, I just simply don't have the time to wait for this to reach you through the post system. I've done a bit more research on the Shanshu prophecy and I'm afraid what we feared may be true. 'The vampire with a soul' is indeed a key player in the upcoming apocalypse. The wording of 'vampire with a soul' is problematic, now that we have learned Spike is alive. The prophecy could refer to either of the vampires. My personal belief is that it Angel that the text refers to, because he has had his soul the longest. This worries me as I am unsure that Angel is working on the side of good. His recent taking over of the Wolfram and Hart offices suggests that he isn't. However, Andrew's report said that Angel and his crew, including Spike, showed no 'inclination to the dark side of the force.' I believe we should, however, keep researching the Shanshu, and what it means, and be wary of Angel and Spike, for the time being.  
Tell Kennedy hello,  
Giles"

Um... I guess that's it. Wow. I didn't know all that stuff. I guess I shouldn't tell anyone about it then, huh? Giles says if you can't get to him by phone, send an email to me. Oooh, g2g, dinner time!

Vi

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a) magickgirl. net)  
From: Oz (laconic(a)wolfpack .com)  
Subject: RE:RE:Sunnydale 

>>>>Hey, I heard about Sunnydale getting sucked up in an earthquake. Just emailing to  
>>>>see  
>>>>if you are okay, and to see how much of that story is false.  
>>>>   
>>>>Oz

>>The earthquake story? Totally true. In a news-people-made-the-whole-thing-up-way.  
>>You  
>>know that thing I told you about that kept threatening to devour us from beneath. I  
>>think  
>>it kinda changed its plans. Well, at least we figured that it was trying to devour US>>not  
>>the town. And hey? If that was it's evil plan all along, then good for it. But I'm kinda  
>>thinking  
>>it wasn't, so go us! The Scoobie Gang foiled another evil plan... and activated  
>>hundreds of slayers all over the world. Well, that last part was more me than anyone  
>>else, but who's  
>>nitpicking?  
>>So at the end of the day, Buffy's not only slayer and now all of us are kinda running  
>>around  
>>trying to find all the newly-activated slayers all over the world. Kenn and I just got to  
>>South  
>> America to get slayers from there. Maybe I'll get to do just as much traveling around  
>>as  
>>you! Email me back soon, and tell me what's going on with you, okay?  
>>   
>> Willow  
>>   
>> "A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner:  
>>Inside  
>>of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good.  
>>The  
>>mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected  
>>for  
>>a moment and replied, "The one I feed the most." (George Bernard Shaw)

You activated hundreds of new slayers? Put me down in the "huh?" column. That had to take a massive amount of power; you didn't go evil again did you?

Oz

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a) magickgirl. net)  
From: Xander (xander.harris(a)lawc .org  
Subject: Greetings from America! 

Ahhh. It's so nice to be back in America. After the refreshingly clean air of Africa, I could use some smog. But, TV! Great country, the US of A, isn't it? Trading air for the brain-numbing experience of Paris and Nicole on the Simple Life. How are you and Kennedy doing on the Brazilian front? You're coming back soon with your mini-army soon, aren't you? We've got that whole Shanshu thing to work on. And I hate to say this Wil, but once you get here I'm gonna _hafta _do the I-told-you-so dance. I knew Angel was evil.

Have you gotten email from Buffy and Dawn, yet? They are going to kill each other if left to their own devices. I'd say it's time for a good ol' fashioned Scoobie intervention, but then I'd have to remember that you're in Brazil, I'm in California, and Buffy and Dawn are in Rome. So much for that. Perhaps you can like spiritually project yourself into Andrew or something. He won't mind, Andrew'll probably think it's something straight off Star Wars or something. I hate to admit it, but I'm almost on Buffy's side on the whole matter. I guess the thought of Dawn dating and staying out until three bothers me. Still... I guess she's growing up. Huh. Remember when she used have a crush on me?

.Xander.  
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)


	2. Chapter 2

Author's notes: I wasn't sure at first if I wanted to go the Willow's reply route, but I realized it was nessary for the story to proceed. Like the last chapter this is available in normal form here (backspace all the spaces)

http : www .livejournal. com/users/moopytteld/825 .html

I live off of reviews. If you can or have time, please review, even if you read it on my livejournal. Even one or two reviews inspire me to write.

Thankies.  
Meagan

* * *

Hello, Willow, you have **9** recently sent emails.

* * *

To: Buffy (supergirl837(a)yahoo. com)  
From: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)   
Subject: Craziness 

I heard the Andrew-at-the-club-story. Don't you think you are pushing it a bit with the protective big sister routine? I mean, don't get me wrong, just the _thought _of little Dawnie having sex is enough to make me majorly wig, but Dawn is growing up now. And you've got to give her space or something. But not _too _much space, because too much space can lead to badness. Badness as in pregnancy or AIDs. And you should probably meet this new boyfriend—oh but you can't say anything to scare him off or Dawn'll get even madder at you. Which would also lead to badness. But if you don't meet him, then you won't be setting down the limits and he might think that he can get away with stuff with Dawn. And if he does and dumps her, you have my permission to go Slayer-girl on him. Personally, I'd go for the shovel.

You know what? I don't know what you should do honestly. Maybe a set curfew of 1:00? Or allow her a visit to the new LA branch of the Watchers Council and she'll get off the whole 11:00 curfew thing. Or something. As long as it doesn't involve Andrew. He's apparently very scared by you and Dawn right now.

Love,

Willow

P.S. Please don't have anything in the room that could cause damage when you and Dawn finally have your chat.

P.P.S. How is the Immortal?

Willow

"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, "The one I feed the most." (George Bernard Shaw)

* * *

To: Dawnie (dawn(a)magickgirl. net)  
From: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)   
Subject: She's just being protective... 

Really. I mean she's Buffy. She loves you and wants the best for you. And she doesn't want you to have sex. Which I totally agree with her on. Missy, you better be practicing abstinence. What would happen if you got pregnant? I mean I love you Dawn, but what would you do with a mini-you running around? You can't even make cookies. I mean they come out all burnt because you haven't figured out the proper way to make them yet. And you will once you are ready to have sex. Unless you figure out before you are 21 and married, then the cookies are no longer a metaphor. I mean Oz and I only had sex a couple of times. And the first time was because the world was about to end. And... gay now! See sex before marriage equals gayness. Not that I'm unhappy being a lesbian, or anything, and if you already are a lesbian, then by all means go ahead and have sex. With a woman. Who you are in a completely committed relationship. And if you're straight, sex leads to evilness. Like when Buffy slept with Angel, he turned evil, remember? And when Xander slept with Faith... Well, I'm not completely sure she wasn't already twisted at that point, but regardless... you get the point. Sex is bad and can only lead to badness.

Anyways, you can't expect Buffy to suddenly be okay with you staying out until 3 in the morning when you weren't allowed out past 10 back in Sunnydale. Maybe let her sit down and talk with your boyfriend (who, by the way, I demand at least a 3-page essay on him, leaving out no details—including whether he has a name or not) and get to know him and see that he isn't just interested in you for sex. Unless he is, in that case, I recommend keeping him as far away from Buffy as you can.

Love,

Willow

P.S. Kennedy and I are doing just fine. Kenn wants to know what you meant by the comment that I'm to good for her.

Willow

"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, "The one I feed the most." (George Bernard Shaw)

* * *

To: Liz (liz(a)theriocoven. org)  
From: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)   
Subject: Next Meeting 

Of course I'm coming to the next meeting. I'm going to bring my terra veneficus enhancing smoky quartz.

Kennedy won't be able to make it (she's really sorry about last time) as she has other plans.

Willow

"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, "The one I feed the most." (George Bernard Shaw)

* * *

To: Andrew (trekkie9834(a)savestartrektng. org)  
From: (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)   
Subject: Don't worry 

I've emailed Dawn and Buffy and I think they'll be able to come to a rational decision. No sliced body parts. It's like my guarantee.

Willow

"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, "The one I feed the most." (George Bernard Shaw)

* * *

To: Vi (vi(a)lawc. org)  
From: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)   
Subject: Could you tell Giles... 

...that he is being silly. The computer is not out to get him.

Hello, Vi, thanks for typing Giles note up for me. Kenn says that you better be training those girls good for her in her absence. She doesn't want to have to "whip them up to shape" when she gets back to America. She also says "Hi."

Could you print this email out and give it Giles, because my cell phone has refused to work on me, and it's very upsetting (except for the part that it's not).

Giles:

How do you know the Shanshu is going to full-fill itself anytime soon? I've done some Google research, and I haven't found anything regarding a time in relation to the Shanshu. It could be that Spike and Angel are a paradox that will soon fix itself. I'm not saying that I wish that either of 'em will die or anything, because both of 'em have been through _that _enough times as it is. But maybe Angel will lose his soul or... God, I'm hoping that doesn't happen, 'cause apocalypse is bad and everything, but Angelus was just horrible. Does Spike have the whole happiness clause, 'cause if he has, he might have lost it already, which would resolve the whole paradox? Or it could still be a paradox. I'm way confused. I've been keeping emails with Fred and she certainly doesn't seem evil. Should I stop emailing her?

I guess we'll discuss this (and do research) when Kennedy and I come back to the US. Can I just state how not excited about it I am? 'Cause while Angel and Spike and I have never been best friends, I really can't see either of them being evil anymore. Eeech.

Willow

"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, "The one I feed the most." (George Bernard Shaw)

* * *

To: Oz (laconic(a)wolfpack. com)  
From: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)   
Subject: Big no on the evil front 

Trust me there were no veins. Something else interesting did happen though. I kinda did this whole goddess routine where my hair turned white and I tapped into my good magick. It was just... amazing. It was like I was connected to every young potential girl out there. It the was most wonderful thing.

Of course, now I can't even float a pencil without it going all stab-by with the wall. My magic balance is so out of wack. I've been practicing with the Rio witch coven, and they've been helping me find a balance, but it's hard after going to both extremes.

An idea just struck me. What are you up to now? Are you still traveling around the world? Would you be interested in a job?

Willow

"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, "The one I feed the most." (George Bernard Shaw)

* * *

To: Xander (xander.harris(a)lawc. org)  
From: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)   
Subject: Xander... 

I can't believe you watch the Simple Life. I mean yeah, Paris and Nicole aren't ugly by any means, but they are so brainless. I can't believe you'd go for the cleavage over brains. Can't you watch quality television like... well I'm sure there is some quality television out there.

As for Buffy and Dawn. I don't know what we are going to do about the two of them. They seem to be all "rwar" at each other. And you need to get over the remember-when-Dawn-used-have-a-crush-on-me-thing because it's bordering on creepy-old-man-sounding. It was four years ago. She's over you now. Plus she needs her space; remember us at Dawn's age? We were at the library every other night, and most of us had already had sex. You with Faith. Buffy with Angel. Me with Oz. And god knows when Cordelia lost hers. Regardless, I think Dawn is a bit upset that she's living with commando-Buffy who is just trying to keep Dawn from making the same mistakes we did. That sounds to movie-of-the-week-ish though. My other theory is that Buffy refuses to admit Dawn isn't fourteen any more. I have to admit I think I've got a little case of it, too.

Willow

"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, "The one I feed the most." (George Bernard Shaw)

* * *

To: Fred (winifred.burkle(a)wolframandhart. org)  
From: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)   
Subject: Long time no hear. 

Hey, I sent you an email about a week ago, but you never answered me back, so just emailing to check and see if everything is alright.

Have you read the ancient Dogon African tribe thought of physics wise? It's a very interesting read, even if we know it is off. They were very thought out, and surprisingly good. Even if, ya know, wrong. Thought that counts.

Willow

"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, "The one I feed the most." (George Bernard Shaw)

* * *

To: customerservice(a)wolframandhart. org  
From: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)   
Subject: CEO's email or phone #? 

Hi, I was just curious if you can give out the CEO's phone number or email, or if you know the means by which I can obtain it. The CEO (Angel) and I know each from a few years ago. If you tell him that Willow wants it, he'll understand.

Thanks.

Willow

"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, "The one I feed the most." (George Bernard Shaw)

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

The chapter is a bit late, but that's only due to personal reasons (had about 3 projects due last weekbleh). I also believe it's semi-shorter, but the story part is starting to get shown. To my reviewers: I love you. I love reviews. You guys have no idea how much one review inspires me to write. Even one with critisim. Enjoy!

As always the _**correct version**_ is at my livejournal: www. livejournal. com/users/moopytteld/1407. html  
Take out the spaces.

* * *

Hello Willow, you have **8** unread messages.

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)  
From: customerservice(a)wolframandhart. org  
Subject: Your Email 

This an automatically generated email

We here in the customer service department of Wolfram and Hart could care less about your problem, unless you are rich and are interested in becoming one of our clients or one of our already paying clients. If this applies to you, follow the steps below:

1) Come into the offices and speak to one of our friendly customer service representatives. We will set up a meeting with whomever you need to see.""""

2) If you are unable to come into the Wolfram and Hart offices, then please phone (932) 555-7083."""""""

3) If you do not have a phone, then we apologize for the inconvenience, but suggest you look outside for a pay phone.

If you do not fit in any of the three categories above, the customer service department of Wolfram and Hart are sorry that they cannot help you. You can always try and reach the secretary and spend hours hassling on the phone through the normal Wolfram and Hart number: (932) 555-7001. Feel free to email us with any more problems you may find while in the service of Wolfram and Hart.

""""There is no guarantee that the meeting will be set up within this month or year even. We at Wolfram and Hart are a busy company, and we will set you up at a point of our earliest convenience.

"""""""If you are not a person that applies to the following categories: Rich, wanting be a client, or already a client, then do not phone this number under any circumstances. Wolfram and Hart is above making threats, but let it be known that your family might be sued.

Sincerely,

The Customer Service Department of Wolfram and Hart.

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)  
From: Fred (winifred.burkle(a)wolframandhart. org)  
Subject: (no subject) 

This is an automatically generated email

We received news that you tried to contact Winifred Burkle (winifred.burkle(a)wolframandhart. org).

Wolfram and Hart regrets to inform you that personnel Winifred Burkle no longer works here. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. For further information email our office and records for the public information that is available: officeandrecords(a)wolframandhart. org.

Personnel Division of Wolfram and Hart.

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)  
From: Dawnie (dawn(a)magickgirl. net)  
Subject: Uh... Thanks 

Willow, don't worry, you guys officially hooked me off sex a long time ago. Thanks for the rehashing though. I might have forgotten.

About Fidelio:

Aside from the name and the whole English-not-being-his-native-language thing, he's pretty cool. I personally think his parents must have been high when naming him because, hello, his name sounds like Fido. C'mon how sad is that? I looked even looked it up on and it means faithful. I'm not even kidding. I asked him if he was thinking about changing his name, and he looked at me and said "Why I do that?" and it was all broken-English-y and cute so I had to be like never mind, because what kinda girlfriend would I be if I told him is name was Fido in America? I mean, really. Anyways, he is so hot, Willow. I swear, if you saw him, you so wouldn't be gay anymore. He's got gorgeous blue eyes and curly brown hair. May I say, yum?

Ooo. G2G Buffy has just got back and she looks upset. Toodles.

XOX Dawn XOX

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor's cute, screw the fruit

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)  
From: Buffy (supergirl837(a)yahoo. com)  
Subject: The LAWC 

Thanks for the advice, Wil, but Dawn isn't going to get off her whole teenage-independence streak with just a talk. Firm rules are being set down.

I can't stay on the computer long, so I'll try and make this fairly short. Have you heard from Giles lately? Every time I try and call him, he's all I'm-sorry-but-I'm-being-British-right-now-and-can't-stay-and-chat. Is something going on? Has Faith gone psycho on her classes or something? 'Cause if you need me, you know I'm right here. Ya know, Buffy the apocalypse gal. I may be in Europe, but that doesn't mean that I can't help out if you guys really need me. I mean, Dawn's totally wigging about not being back to the US since we've moved to Rome, and I could use a way to blow off some steam. 'Cause, despite it being La Roma or whatever, not a lot of vamp activity. I guess vampires don't like Italian food. Erack. Did I just quote _Andrew_? So, still here, in case you need anything.

Hey if you and Kennedy need help in Brazil...

P.S. No pointy objects were used when Dawn and I chatted. Well, other than her extremely scary heels, that is.

P.P.S. The Immortal is fine. You're still cool with the fact that he's demon aren't you? I think Xander is still all bad mood-y.

Buffy

Possessive? Me? Nah, I was just sick the day they discussed sharing in Kindergarten.

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)  
From: Oz (laconic(a)wolfpack. com)  
Subject: Job? 

I'm pretty much finding gigs wherever I go. I'm pretty much game for whatever, though. You have something in mind?

Oz

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)  
From: Xander (xander.harris(a)lawc. org)  
Subject: I'm shocked... 

...that you would think I would waste away mindless hours in front of the TV watching the Simple Life (I taped 'em all for you—marathon when you get back?).

And I'm also appalled that you think I am a creepy old man. I was just remembering how simple it was to keep her from liking guys her age (who are interested in her). Ahh the simple days. How I miss Glory and her minions chasing us all over town, Spike stalking Buffy, and, oooo, Buffybot! Actually, come to think, I _so_ don't miss any of that.

Talked on the phone to Dawn yesterday and she's all pissy with Buffy again. She emailed you yet? Apparently, Buffy decided she needed to let Dawn have a bit more freedom, and Dawn is now not allowed to leave the house without a list of places she is going. And she has to be back by eleven. Basic gist: Dawn not too happy.

.Xander.

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)  
From: Dawnie (dawn(a)magickgirl. net)  
Subject: Buffy is going to die. 

Willow. I. am. going. to. kill. her. And not with poison either. That'd be too nice. It's going to be niiiiiiiiiiice and slooooooooooow.

She gave me an "itinerary" for what I need to do in order to go out. The list is as follows:

1) Clean room.

2) If you are going out with a guy, I have to meet him first.

3) He must pass inspection

4) You must provide a list of all the places you might be at.

5) Be back by 11 on a school night and 12 on weekends

I would of emailed you as soon as I found out, but I was too busy arguing with Buffy and making plans to sneak out (please don't tell) to get online. I know I've already asked you this, but _please_ do something!

XOX Dawn XOX

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor's cute, screw the fruit

* * *

To: Me (willowtree(a)magickgirl. net)  
From: Xander (xander.harris(a)lawc. org)  
Subject: Me again! 

Giles wanted me to email you, because he didn't want Vi to know everything that is going on. In his words: "Ah, well... young girls have a slight tendency to... gossip." Aren't you glad to know he's still British-sounding?

Here's his note:

"Hello Willow. I wouldn't stop emailing Fred (is Fred a female name, or did you accidentally type "she" instead of "he"). If indeed Angel is evil, Fred can provide a link to him that we may need. Of course, Buffy all the incentive Spike probably needs to show whether he is evil or not. Andrew reported that it looked like 'the platinum hair-colored vampyre is still angst ridden with the thought of his lost blond-haired slayer.' But then, half of what Andrew says is rubbish, so I'm not sure how much of that we can take into account. And Andrew did seem to have an affinity with Spike, did he not? Though he never had met Angel and he referred to him as the 'dark avenger.' At any rate, the information that we have on the pair is sparse and is like looking through rose colored glasses. I'm not sure when the Shanshu prophecy is set to fulfill it's self, but I believe that when it does, the (_Xander: he underlined it three times—he's so British_) apocalypse will come. I believe that while the prophecy refers to 'living' I believe it may mean that if the vampire with a soul is dying, they will be allowed to die a human death. It's sort of poetic if you think of it. I could be way off-base, but prophecies often have mixed meanings. I hope you can travel to America soon so we can continue our research without a middle man, Giles."

How about that, I type that whole thing up and I'm just a "middle man."

.Xander.

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)


End file.
